Business people-the douchiest people to take care of.

There are some real douchy people who waiters are expected to take care of with a smile; foreigners, families with screaming babies, needy elderly folks who are angered by trivial things, etc.,.

Today's target will be at the top of the heap; business people.

I firmly believe there is a sliding scale of douchiness that most business people fall somewhere onto. They saunter in with their binders or laptops, ignoring everyone around them until it becomes convenient for them to listen to someone else, and just making it seem like there's an aura of entitlement surrounding them at all times.

There are many kinds of inconsiderate behaviors that these jerks indulge in, ranging from the mildly annoying (insisting on finishing a business-related conversation when the waiter or waitress shows up, sometimes in excess of thirty seconds), to the super-aggravating (leaving an open laptop on the table throughout the entire meal).

I once approached the table of a businessy pair, and began explaining their choices for beverages. Halfway through my list, the female business-type of the pair proceeded to answer a phone call while I was talking. Thinking nothing of it, I continued my list, and redirected it towards the remaining patron who was still paying attention. The woman on the phone douchilly put her hand over her phone's receiver, looked at me angrily, and said, "Excuse me! I'm trying to have a conversation!"

In a perfect world, I would have had the job security to not only make a crude and sarcastic comment ("In that case, why don't you familiarize your own-damned-self with our cocktail list, you pretentious cunt?"), but to take the phone from her, cover it in buttermilk batter, and throw it in the nearest deep fryer. And light her shirt on fire.

If you go out to dinner, don't be a douche. Leave your laptop at home, put your phone on silent, and please understand that you are not the only table that your waiter has. At most, a waiter can spend about thirty seconds at a table on a busy evening, so you should let him or her say or do what they came to do, listen patiently, and continue your conversation after your server leaves. It's not hard, it's just mutual respect.

Racism and Overstaffing; A Recipe for Success!

On any given Monday, you typically don't see too many restaurants full to capacity. That luxury is only seen on weekends. This is common knowledge, and one doesn't have to be qualified in management or restaurant mechanics to arrive at this conclusion. The restaurant at which I am employed had over eleven people working a Monday night dinner. Let's just let that sink in for a moment.

Finally, after two and a half hours of pretending to punch in orders at a terminal (but instead playing Texas Hold 'Em on my cell phone), I was given a table of three Asian people, a young male student who was evidently taking his non-English speaking parents out for dinner.

If there's something that creates a stereotype, it's when certain people consistently do the same thing over and over completely independently of each other.

In this case, they ordered lobster...which is what all Asians who visit this particular restaurant do.

After a lobster between the three of them and God knows how many tap water refills, I dropped the check.

On the credit card device at the table, the options for gratuity are twenty, eighteen, and fifteen percent. Because of the fact that I assumed I wouldn't be tipped well, I left them the machine on this screen, but because of the grace of God and Murphy's Law (not to mention the tenacity of people who refuse to tip well), I was left under ten percent of the total.

Because this was my only table of the evening (and because of the fact that I had to tip out the support staff), I left my shift this evening with less than five dollars.

I would have made more money today if I had been making Air Jordan sneakers in a warehouse in Indonesia.

Such is the business I've committed my life to.